Freely Scripted Soul

January 27, 2008

My 21st Birthday

Filed under: Diary,Flashes from My Pensieve — Roshan @ 6:47 am
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It has been more than a month since my birthday! I have been planning to blog about it since then, but unfortunately the time did not come, until now.

18th December, 2007

Birthdays come and go, and I have never given it too much of importance. Its just “another” reason to celebrate. This time however it was something different, something more than celebration, something special, something nostalgic, something which I wont forget throughout my life.

A birthday starts at 12 midnight. I had got acquainted to that notion. In fact, it started a lot earlier this time. The number of calls and messages I got was unbelievable. Yes, I was expecting calls, but the reality of it was way out of reach of my expectations. So by the time I slept on my birthday, very late in the night or very early in the morning (any which way you see it) , the happiness in my heart had swelled to it’s maximum size.

In my engineering life, though intended to be a “surprise”(at least initially), it had become a “tradition”, you could say, to celebrate our friend’s birthday by going to his home on that day and wishing him, even if it is on the previous day of the exam; the number of people involved in that “our” had been increasing. So, I was expecting my friends to come. No doubt in that.

My friends came around the time I had expected them to come, and as expected, we had a great time. I could have produced the most powerful Patronus in the world just by thinking of those moments! More wishes came throughout the day. More friends came home in the evening. I was overwhelmed by the amount of care and affection shown by all my friends and relatives. It wasn’t just the amount of wishes, it was the quality of it. I don’t know how to explain the “quality” of those feelings in words. I don’t know what made it so special, but it was very very special. I don’t know how to thank all of my friends enough! I am grateful to all of them. I am privileged to have friends like them, privileged to have each one of them as my friend. I am really really lucky to have such friends.

Before going to sleep on that day, I was reliving that entire day. I guess it was the first time that it struck to me that this was our last year of engineering, and from next year, we maybe in different cities, doing different jobs, finding it difficult to find time to meet. Hopefully, we ll keep in touch with each other, but expecting all of us to get together and have fun as regularly as we are having now is completely unrealistic. Will such days ever come again? There is no definite answer. It was a sweet-sour feeling; more sweet for now.

To know that you have good friends, and to know that they care, is something which can’t be expressed in words. Undoubtedly, this was one of the most memorable days in my life. Thanks to everyone who made it so.

Look at the smiles on all the faces. Purely nostalgic! Thank you for everything that all of you have done, including the picture-perfect photographer!

This is completely PRICELESS!! Hats off to the creators!

For all the photos, click here.

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September 14, 2006

Life

Filed under: Flashes from My Pensieve — Roshan @ 11:44 am

Everything in life seems to be fine, in fact – great!! You take things as it comes. You think positively. You believe that there is a purpose for everything that happens in life and you feel – Alls well that ends well. You are in balance with your surroundings; you are in balance with yourself. It seems that you are making time run at your will; you seem to be ahead of time; you are enjoying every moment of your life. No problem seems to be overwhelming; every problem you have in life is minor and you have the confidence to overcome it – you are never daunted by that problem. You know that success and failure are a part of life; you are setting yourself minor targets, judging your own abilities well and trying to raise your own standards – all the time enjoying what are doing. The result – the failures seem minor to you; you are happy and satisfied with what you have, and what you have achieved. Peace seems to be in and around you. This may sound impractical, yet it is not – you are experiencing it… Life seems to be eternal bliss!!!

You are at a high in life; care-free, satisfied, happy. You are commanding yourself to go at a very high speed in life – ready to face any challenge in life – unfazed by anything that could possibly come, with the confidence that you have.

And then… life applies a disk brake…….. brakes have been applied before – yes, but this one however seems to beyond your capability, beyond your worst nightmares; you wish that some higher power will come to the rescue…. this brake is without a reason; illogical, impractical, an event which when analyzed in whatever possible way, doesn’t have something positive in it; something that doesn’t have a good ending, for sure…. the thing that you value the most in your life (more than your life) is lost, beyond recovery…. no longer do your beliefs have a meaning… your dreams are shattered… your ambition in life is of little importance; nothing in life seems to be important…. you no longer have the zeal for life…. life suddenly seems void….

Enormous pressure is applied upon your heart. You are not dead; though you feel it would have been better, if you were. You are suffocated; your heart in punctured; it feels extremely difficult to take a single breath. Your head seems to be occupied by a devil – a loser – a pessimist; cracked. Your vision is blurred; you don’t want to see anything anymore. Your life is scarred; a permanent scar. You don’t know where your life is headed. You don’t know whether you can ever be the same person you were before. You would have given anything else in exchange for this not to happen.

Can there ever be a reasonable, compromised solution to this??? Can you ever find peace again??? Can you remove all this from your mind???? Can you lead a normal life again????? The answer seems to be NO.

Death certainly seems a lot easier option.

It is at these times that you know the real value of the people who love you. They might not know your problem; they might not know the solution; they might not even know they are helping you, but they help you, directly or indirectly. You realize how invaluable they are in your life. You despise yourself for ever hurting them in your past. You decide to rectify yourself for any such past mistakes. You want to pay back, in kind and in full, to all those who love you; but the more you feel depressed, the more they get to know you are depressed, the more will they be depressed. So even though you can’t forget the most terrible happening in your life, you force it deep down in your heart. You conceal your feelings; and value their feelings…… you start living for them.

Still there is a void in your heart that can’t be filled; undoubtedly, life would have been better without that incident; life can never be as before, but you strive to make it better, for others and in return, for yourself, in some way.

The search for that eternal bliss achieved before is probably never going to end, but there is still hope… maybe you will come across a silver lining some day…. you wont give up…. you will keep searching…… even death cant stop it…..

Intro

Filed under: Flashes from My Pensieve — Roshan @ 11:36 am

Flashes from My Pensieve:

For a long time now, I have been thinking of starting a new series of posts – flashes from my pensieve. I wanted to try my hand at real writing. I wanted to express feelings in words. So I thought of my past, my present, my future, my dreams, events which people around me have experienced, even completely imaginary situations inspired by books, television or movies – a mixture of all these is what I am going to put in this category. It need not be completely about me or completely about anyone else, even if I write it as a first person experience.

Suggestions, criticism, etc are invited, especially since I am trying something different; I will be experimenting a lot.

PS: For those of you who haven’t read Harry Potter, Pensieve is an object which is used to store memories. It is something similar to a diary, but something really creative and much more advanced; an asset to have. The memory that is stored in a pensieve can be viewed later, at your will, and you can observe things in that memory which you have missed before i.e. you can view that memory in a different perspective, observe what others are doing around you, and view it from their perspective. Too complex to say – only J K Rowling can explain in detail. So read Harry Potter books 😉

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