Freely Scripted Soul

September 14, 2006


Filed under: Flashes from My Pensieve — Roshan @ 11:44 am

Everything in life seems to be fine, in fact – great!! You take things as it comes. You think positively. You believe that there is a purpose for everything that happens in life and you feel – Alls well that ends well. You are in balance with your surroundings; you are in balance with yourself. It seems that you are making time run at your will; you seem to be ahead of time; you are enjoying every moment of your life. No problem seems to be overwhelming; every problem you have in life is minor and you have the confidence to overcome it – you are never daunted by that problem. You know that success and failure are a part of life; you are setting yourself minor targets, judging your own abilities well and trying to raise your own standards – all the time enjoying what are doing. The result – the failures seem minor to you; you are happy and satisfied with what you have, and what you have achieved. Peace seems to be in and around you. This may sound impractical, yet it is not – you are experiencing it… Life seems to be eternal bliss!!!

You are at a high in life; care-free, satisfied, happy. You are commanding yourself to go at a very high speed in life – ready to face any challenge in life – unfazed by anything that could possibly come, with the confidence that you have.

And then… life applies a disk brake…….. brakes have been applied before – yes, but this one however seems to beyond your capability, beyond your worst nightmares; you wish that some higher power will come to the rescue…. this brake is without a reason; illogical, impractical, an event which when analyzed in whatever possible way, doesn’t have something positive in it; something that doesn’t have a good ending, for sure…. the thing that you value the most in your life (more than your life) is lost, beyond recovery…. no longer do your beliefs have a meaning… your dreams are shattered… your ambition in life is of little importance; nothing in life seems to be important…. you no longer have the zeal for life…. life suddenly seems void….

Enormous pressure is applied upon your heart. You are not dead; though you feel it would have been better, if you were. You are suffocated; your heart in punctured; it feels extremely difficult to take a single breath. Your head seems to be occupied by a devil – a loser – a pessimist; cracked. Your vision is blurred; you don’t want to see anything anymore. Your life is scarred; a permanent scar. You don’t know where your life is headed. You don’t know whether you can ever be the same person you were before. You would have given anything else in exchange for this not to happen.

Can there ever be a reasonable, compromised solution to this??? Can you ever find peace again??? Can you remove all this from your mind???? Can you lead a normal life again????? The answer seems to be NO.

Death certainly seems a lot easier option.

It is at these times that you know the real value of the people who love you. They might not know your problem; they might not know the solution; they might not even know they are helping you, but they help you, directly or indirectly. You realize how invaluable they are in your life. You despise yourself for ever hurting them in your past. You decide to rectify yourself for any such past mistakes. You want to pay back, in kind and in full, to all those who love you; but the more you feel depressed, the more they get to know you are depressed, the more will they be depressed. So even though you can’t forget the most terrible happening in your life, you force it deep down in your heart. You conceal your feelings; and value their feelings…… you start living for them.

Still there is a void in your heart that can’t be filled; undoubtedly, life would have been better without that incident; life can never be as before, but you strive to make it better, for others and in return, for yourself, in some way.

The search for that eternal bliss achieved before is probably never going to end, but there is still hope… maybe you will come across a silver lining some day…. you wont give up…. you will keep searching…… even death cant stop it…..


  1. hmmm….. !!! some thing different from the other posts…. But its too boring… dint like !!! sounds a bit stupid !!! Sorry 🙂

    Comment by Rajath — October 4, 2006 @ 12:18 pm | Reply

  2. LOL.. I can understand. Differences in opinion is common, even among friends.
    Anyway, I stick to my idea of experimentation 😛

    Comment by Roshan — October 6, 2006 @ 2:47 am | Reply

  3. Zindagi Migzara…. (you might wanna look up on that)

    The hardest and most difficult of troubles are invariably the ones in the present, right now. Cause the past you have gotten over and the future hasn’t yet come.

    Nice dissection of a dip in life’s flow. 🙂

    Comment by Vera — December 17, 2006 @ 6:06 pm | Reply

  4. thanks!! 🙂
    The hardest and most difficult of troubles are invariably the ones in the present, right now. Cause the past you have gotten over and the future hasn’t yet come.
    You are absolutely right..

    Comment by Roshan — December 18, 2006 @ 9:28 am | Reply

  5. you write well! keep it going…

    Comment by violinholmes — May 24, 2008 @ 3:49 pm | Reply

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